Thanks to firefighters, Altus
blaze burns only 100 acres
ALTUS AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. -- Air Force
and local firefighters teamed together to battle a grass fire here March 12.
The fire only consumed 100 acres, thousands less than base and local
officials had hoped for.
Officials said the firefighters were obviously dazed and confused from smoke
inhalation. “The firefighters had to be delirious,” said one group commander.
“That’s the only explanation. After all, why would anyone purposely save a
desolate base like Altus?”
Local officials said the base only suffered minimal fire damage at its
perimeter.
“Ever since 1943, when some misguided military officer created this base,
Airmen at all levels have been trying to figure out how to shut it down,”
said an anonymous base official. “During the past six decades, this fire was
our first chance to burn this base to the ground. Now we’ll probably have to
wait another 60 years for an opportunity like this!”
As the fire approached the base, senior base leaders evacuated more than 300
dormitory and military family housing residents to the base fitness center.
Although residents thought this action was taken to save their lives, one
base official admitted the evacuation had nothing to do with saving lives.
“We’ve seen it happen before: a fire threatens a housing area and the
residents pick up their garden hoses and battle the blaze on their own. We
didn’t want to take that chance. We needed to make sure that fire was free
to burn it all to the ground. Little did we know that while we were clearing
a path for the fire, those confused firefighters were snuffing it out. We
just never imagined anyone – not even a firefighter -- would try to save
this base. We underestimated the power of smoke-induced delirium.”
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